Opinion Column : The art of self care

The Art of Self-Care “A Silent Pact Between You and Me” 

Written by: Ghania Noor 

I admit that the concept of self-care has never been important to me. There was a time when I considered it silly, selfish, and even an artificial product of Western philosophy. But time, life, and these invisible layers of exhaustion have slowly taught me that loving yourself, taking care of yourself, is actually the first responsibility of every human being. It is the story of your life together, where we all get tired… but still hold on to ourselves. But for how long?

We live in a world where "being busy" has become a badge of honor. If you don't work eight hours a day, don't appear on social media and don't attend every event, people consider you a failure, useless, or careless. I too spent years living for others. Sometimes for a student, sometimes for a teacher, sometimes for family, sometimes for friends. And when I tried to make time for myself, my conscience taunted me:"How selfish you have become!"

But one day, silence asked me:

“If you break, what will happen to the ones you're holding together?”

That moment was my first step towards self-care. First of all, what is self care?

A combination of physical health, mental peace, spiritual maturity and emotional balance in human life is the whole that we call "self-care". This term has become common nowadays, but its true meaning is still not clear to many people. Most people consider it limited to just applying a face mask, getting expensive spa therapy or going on an outing from time to time while self-care is a complete lifestyle, thought and continuous effort.The word "care" is driven by the Arabic word, meaning: to protect, to care for, to arrange. "Self" obviously means "oneself". In this sense, self-care has come to mean: "to protect and care for one's physical, mental, spiritual and emotional state." Self-care means that we love ourselves as we would a loved one. We pay attention to their needs, care for their comfort and protect them from harm. When we treat ourselves in the same way, that is called self-care.

Psychologist Carl Rogers says:

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

یعنی خود کو جوں کا توں قبول کرنا، تبدیلی کی پہلی سیڑھی ہے۔

We often think that in order to change, we must first be critical of ourselves, that is, to be angry at our shortcomings or to refuse to accept ourselves until we become ‘better.’ But according to Carl Rogers, real change is possible only when we accept our current existence without any conditions. This acceptance of who we are, what our weaknesses are, what our feelings are is a compassionate act not a condemnatory one. When a person is compassionate towards themselves, accepting themselves as human beings, they can move forward more openly, without fear.

Antisocial behavior and self-care

Unfortunately, in our society, “self-care” is often seen as selfish.This attitude particularly affects those groups who are given greater responsibilities of social service, such as:

Women: As mothers, wives, daughters or daughters-in-law, they are expected to always prioritize the comfort and well-being of others even if it means compromising their own health, sleep, or emotional balance.

Teachers: They are expected to sacrifice their personal lives for the betterment of their students.

Parents: Especially mothers, who lose their identity in raising children, because society praises them for being “the idol of sacrifice.”

Religious workers: They are required to dedicate themselves day and night to serving the religion of Allah, even if it affects their own body, mind, or family.

Women, teachers, parents, and religious workers in particular are expected to make serving others their first priority, even if it means dissolving their own identity. In such a situation, embracing self-care can seem like a rebellion. But the truth is an empty vessel cannot give water to others. Unless we fill ourselves, we cannot be of use to others.

Self-care and Islam

In Islam, the concept of self-care is not limited to physical cleanliness or worship, but encompasses complete psychological, spiritual, and social balance. The Prophet(S.A.W.W) said:

"إنَّ لِنَفْسِكَ عَلَيْكَ حَقًّا"

(ترمذی)

"تمہارے نفس کا بھی تم پر حق ہے۔”

This hadith is the basic argument for self-care. In the life of the Prophet(S.A.W.W), we find unparalleled examples of physical health (toothbrush, cleanliness, sleep balance), emotional balance (anger control, forgiveness), and spiritual care (prayer, supplication).

Self-care is not just about physical relaxation, it is an internal revolution.It is the process of understanding ourselves, acknowledging our emotions and giving our hearts and minds the attention they deserve. And It is also the process by which we connect with ourselves, befriend our being and then develop our personality. Because a tired scattered person can neither be happy themselves nor be a source of goodness to others. Self-care allows us to “thrive,” not just “survive.” It helps us become better people, better students, better teachers, and better citizens.We have a silent voice within us that is often drowned out by our daily routines.Self-care means listening to this voice, giving ourselves time, feeling our exhaustion, and honoring our being.